The Gerard "" Kleywegt FAQ

Answers to the most Frequently Asked Questions about/to me.

What time is it ?

At the time of writing, it's 14:17 hrs Swedish Summer time. Correction: at the latest review of this page, it was actually 22:21.

How do I get to the railway station ?

Call a taxi.

Is it true that in a dark past you did your PhD in an NMR lab ?

I'm afraid so. Evidence. PhD thesis cover.

What did the "CD" in your name really stand for ?

"Charm & Diplomacy" - apparently the two character traits least likely to be associated with me ...

Is it true that you have upgraded from "CD" to "DVD" ?

Yep. CD sounded very second millennium, so as soon as the third one began (on 1 January, 2001, a space odyssey) I changed it to "DVD" (The Crystallographer Formerly Known As "CD").

If you are CD (or DVD), is there also a Mini-Disc ?

Yep:   (Click on an image to see a bigger version.)

What is your favourite football team ?

Need you ask ?

Can protein crystallography be fun ?

Visit the DOMBO web site and find out for yourself.

Can I download pictures of you ?

Sure, try this one, or this one, or this one. If you want to have a big picture to hang on your bedroom wall or to use as a background on your computer, try this one (557 K; 1533 x 2368 pixels). For a more recent picture, try this one.

How tall are you ?

Two meters. (That's about 6 foot 7 inches for the SI-challenged.)

How do you pronounce your surname ?

You don't ! I'm afraid it can only be pronounced by people who are used to speaking languages with very hard "g" sounds in them (Dutchmen, Scotsmen, etc.). Germans and Welshmen can usually pronounce it after a little practice. But for your average white anglo-saxon protestant my advice is: Don't try this at home, kids ! However, an acceptable alternative pronunciation of "Kleywegt" is: "Throatwobbler-Mangrove".

What's the weather like over there ?

Yahoo's weather forecast, specifically for Uppsala, lives here. And this is what Uppsala looks like right now:

Are you a cat or a dog person ?

Judge for yourself; have a look at Loke (and before him there were: Dot (¥), Meep (¥), My (Loke's mother; ¥), Ajaks (emigrated to the Netherlands; ¥ 2004), Zappa (¥ 2005), Tibbe, Tessa (¥), and then there are his brothers Max and Lobbes (¥) (both of whom emigrated to the Netherlands)). During the years 2001 and 2002 I also took care of Buster.

What's your all-time favourite glacier ?

Huh ? What kind of silly question is that ! Well, if I had to choose it would have to be Fox Glacier (coming off Mount Cook in New Zealand).

What's your favourite road-side objet d'art ?

This Maori- or Easter-Island-inspired set of sculptures at Tällbergsporten.

Where do you live ?

Errrr, here: pic 1, pic 2, pic 3, pic 4, pic 5, pic 6, pic 7, pic 8, pic 9 (map) (satellite image). The village is called Marielund, and it is a part of Funbo which is a part of Uppsala.

Are there any movies about Marielund ?

If you search IMDb for Marielund, you get only one hit, namely "Inga Lindström - Sehnsucht nach Marielund". This is a German made-for-TV movie (broadcast by ZDF on 25 January, 2004), set in Sweden and filmed in Sweden, but with German actors. Strangely enough, whereas genuine Swedes would have been driving old Volvos and Saabs, here everybody was driving spanking-new, top-of-the-line Mercedeses. Anyway - the movie is not about "my" Marielund at all. In fact, its only redeeming feature (in my as always humble opinion) was the fact that it had Eva Habermann in the leading part (she played yummy Zev in the TV-series "Lexx" for awhile - which must have been one of the worst SF series ever, by the way). Having said all that, yes, I do think that some scenes for a number of movies have been filmed in Marielund (one I read about in the newspaper in the mid-1990s, another I witnessed myself around 2000), but I have no idea what they are called.

Is it fun to live in Funbo ?

Listen to this radio commercial (in Swedish).

What does your place look like in panorama view ?

A bit like this.

What's it like out there in Winter ?

See for yourself: pic 1, pic 2, pic 3, pic 4, pic 5, pic 6, pic 7, pic 8, pic 9. Cool, aye ?

And in Summer ?

Sunny: pic 1, pic 2, pic 3, pic 4, pic 5, pic 6, pic 7, pic 8.

If one were to go on a cycling tour, what could one expect to see ?

This (for example): Bärby station, near Gunsta (1), near Gunsta (2), view of Funbo, Funbo church (1), Funbo church (2), Funbo church (3), Funbo bridge (1), Funbo bridge (2), Funbo Lake (1), Funbo Lake (2), more Funbo, a hidden treasure in Funbo, Lake Trehörningen in Marielund, the road to Lagga, near Lagga, and "a millennium of communication technology".

What is Marielund like ?

See for yourself: pic 1, pic 2, pic 3, pic 4, pic 5, pic 6, pic 7, pic 8, pic 9, pic 10, pic 11, pic 12, pic 13.

Is it close to a railway station ?

Yes, of "Lennakatten" (pic).

Anything else worth seeing in Sweden ?

Yes, see the "Smultronställen" site !

Do you do any sports ?

Yep - I play football in the veterans' team of Funbo IF. Visit our web site to see how we're doing.

Should I always believe my eyes ?

No ! For example, take the following scanned image. With a bit of GIMPing this image can be made to look like a lithograph, like a scene from an alien planet, as seen through a lens, or with extra solar flare. (Image manipulation by Mark Harris.)

What kind of car do you drive ?

Well, my very first car was an Autobianchi A110. Can't remember if/how I fitted into that ... Since then I've only had Volvo's, I'm afraid. First a bi-fuel 343 (petrol and LPG), then a diesel 340 sedan, then a regular 740, and since January 2000 an S40.

Are you a real Swede ?

No way, José ! I'm Dutch and proud of it on those days when the Dutch football team beats Germany. This happens, ooh, once every five hundred years or so, e.g. on 23 February 2000 (2-1 in Amsterdam) (pic 1) (pic 2) (pic 3).

What are some of the great Dutch footballing moments (if any) ?

Easy ! Marco Van Basten's 2-1 goal against Germany. This was the decider in the semi-finals of the 1988 European Championships (which the Netherlands eventually won by beating the Soviet Union 2-0 in the final, thanks in part to a brilliant Van Basten goal - after conceding this goal, the Soviet goal keeper, Rinat Dasaev, once the world's best goalie, never recovered). For most Dutchmen, this match felt like the final, though, since it meant "revenge" for the painful 1974 defeat by Germany in the final of the World Cup (not to mention all the bicycles that the Germans stole during the occupation from 10 May 1940 to 5 May 1945 ...). Beating Germany 2-1 (could have been 10-1, actually) in a friendly match in Amsterdam in February, 2000. What made this victory extra sweet was the fact that it was the match in which Lothar Matthäus (by far the most-hated German in the Netherlands ...) became the player with the highest number of international caps (taking over from Sweden's zany former goalie Ravelli). And of course the fact that the Germans were outplayed is always gratifying. The 6-1 trashing of Yugoslavia in the quarter finals of Euro 2000. Eleven Dutchmen succeeded where thousands of NATO soldiers had failed: striking at Yugoslav targets with surgical precision (and neutralising Milosevic for 89 minutes). Wow - what a match ! (Celebration !) One of the great football moments of all time, not involving the Dutch team, is surely Panenka's daringly chipped penalty that decided the 1976 European Championships (final against Germany; Czechoslovakia had beaten the Netherlands in the semis). Also, few of us will probably witness a repeat of the 1-5 beating the English team gave the Germans in Munich on 1 September 2001 in a World Cup qualifier (cover) ... Or the indirect penalty that Johan Cruijff and Jesper Olsen took (while playing for Ajax in the 1980s). Or when Ajax beat Feijenoord 8-2. Or that bicycle kick of Marco van Basten. Or the winning (2-1) goal against Argentina in the 1998 World Cup - from goal line to goal with only two players touching the ball: Frank de Boer picking up the ball, taking it halfway down the pitch, launching it, and Bergkamp scoring a characteristic Bergkamp goal. Or ... or ... or ...

"Dutch" - what country is that ?

The Netherlands.

"The Netherlands" - is that the same as "Holland" ?

No. Holland is a part of the Netherlands.

"Holland" - isn't that the capitol of Copenhagen ?

If you or your parents paid any money for your education, now is the time to ask for a refund ! (More tourist information about the Netherlands for U.S. citizens can be found here and here.)

Where were you born ?

Here (gif) (satellite image).

Where did you go to primary school ?

At "De Rank" in Rozenburg (image).

Where did you go to high school ?

At CSG "Blaise Pascal" in Spijkenisse (on-line) of course.

And where did you live before you moved to Sweden ?

Here (gif) (satellite image).

When did you move ?

December 1991 (gif).

What is your favourite Crass album ?

Well, that would have to be "Stations" (closely followed by "Feeding of the 5000" [a very-EP, actually] and "Penis Envy"). If you have never heard of Crass, look here or here or here. If you have never heard Crass, listen to this. Most of their records have been re-released on CD over the past decade.

Why is your home page called "The Gerard 'CD' Kleywegt Experience" ?

Because it's inspired by (in one of the episodes of "Red Dwarf VII" (which, apart from that, was the weakest of the Red Dwarf series, but, fortunately, series 8 was great again !)).

You quit smoking ? You must be pulling my leg !

Yes ! Nope ! After 22 years of smoking a pack of Marlboros a day, I quit on the first of October, 1999. No will-power, no nicotine chewing gum (or worse), no chocolate (well, the first few weeks), no bad temper (not more than usual, at least) - just a tad sleepier during the day. All thanks to a simple book ... I know - I didn't believe it either, but it really works !

What is your favourite beer ?

No contest ! Leffe Brown (draft, of course) ! And the best place to drink it must be Jazz Cafe "The Duke" in Leiden. Leiden, by the way, is the home of both that Rembrandt painter-dude and Rubberen Robbie, a.k.a. Catapult, for those of you who are interested in Nederpop. Talking of which, the first band I ever saw live must have been Lemming, back in 1973 or 1974 when I was 11 or 12 years old. I remember they did a "horror show" with a scantily clad lady rising from a coffin (and a genuine policeman backstage !) - really cool when you're 11 or 12 years old ... But I digress ! Back to the beer issue: Kilkenny is yummy too (even from cans !).

What are the four most bizarre experiences you have had ?

Good question ! There have been many, so let me think awhile ... Okay, here goes (oddly, all four events took place while I was a PhD student): Being sexually harassed (telephonically) by a female stalker. Slightly worrying, yet ego-boosting at the same time :-) Being interviewed live on Dutch national radio about the G-spot. If I didn't have it on tape I would be hard-pressed to believe it myself. Hearing my dentist say: "Ooops!" Believe me, the last thing you want your dentist to say is "oops" ... In this case, he said it when he discovered that he had extracted not only one of my wisdom teeth, but also a piece of jaw (that was apparently rather attached to that particular wisdom tooth). I keep the bugger (tooth plus jaw, that is - not the dentist !) in a little box - makes for a great party-trick. Crashing my car in a snow storm on the day that I had prepared the final version of my PhD thesis, putting my Samsonite (which held the floppies with the only copy of said thesis version) on the roof of my car to put the insurance forms on while filling them out, forgetting all about said Samsonite and driving home for 30 kms (wondering why people were signalling, but assuming some of my car's lights weren't working), and finally getting out of the car and ... finding the Samsonite still lying on the same spot on the roof !

What's the scoop about that wisdom tooth ?

Buy me a beer and I'll tell you the entire story (unless you suffer from dentistophobia - in that case, buy me a beer and I promise not to tell you the story ...). For now, let's just say that my jaw was rather attached to that particular wisdom tooth (and still is, as you can see in the picture below ...).

What kind of music do you tend to listen to ?

What music did you listen to last week ?

What music did you listen to just now ?

You did the South Park personality quiz - which character were you ?

What does your bar code look like ?

I have this burning question, but it's not in this list !

Don't worry, go here and ask away !

Latest update at 6 May, 2008.